Monthly Archives: January 2010

Double Trouble

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Micah’s most recent tooth has looked different from the beginning, but today, it finally grew to the point where it was visible just what was making it look so odd. Micah has a double tooth! His top left lateral incisor looks like two narrow teeth fused together. It likely only has one root. Apparently this occurs in half a percent of children – and my Sunday school teacher, who is a dentist, said it doesn’t indicate anything will be wrong with his adult tooth, but he will look different for a while! Ha ha! I think it will give him an advantage when chewing all those Cheerios he loves! I couldn’t get a front facing picture of it, but I got a shot from the bottom where you can see the two points. Weird, huh?

Two points!

Rejoice. When? Always.

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If what we write semi-anonymously behind the veil of our blogs, our twitters, or in the comments of even the least controversial blog posts, is any reflection of what is in the deeper part of our hearts (and I mean “us” in the collective sense – Americans), we are truly lost. I won’t even pollute this page with examples of the cutthroat comments and opinions I’ve read. When I get to the bottom of a popular blog, I click away before reading the comments because reading them makes me sick to my stomach. What gives us any right to be so downright mean to one another? What is the point? The person who dishes it out, and their target alike, negativity hurts them both. Nothing good can ever come out of anything so purely vile. Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” People who troll around the internet looking for opportunities to spew hatred, nonconstructive criticism, personal attacks and endless rants about everything from the President they thought was going to change their life in one year to a person’s pregnant figure — they are fools.

My mission, my reason for spending any time on this blog or in commenting on numerous others, is simply to fill the space with something other than what is contaminating so much of the internet. I long to “bring healing” with my words. Write positive comments when you like something. Flag or delete hurtful words. So many of us are already hurting. We are losing our homes, our jobs and our sons and daughters to conflict. Our families are breaking and our futures look insecure, if not bleak. There is no room for “rash words.”

“Rejoice always!” Other versions of scripture say “be joyful always,” but I think the ESV is a better translation because it really brings out the true meaning of this verse. Joy is often mistaken for happiness. Many people read this verse and say, no one can be happy all of the time, but happiness stems from “happenings,” or circumstances. Joy comes from a deeper understanding of where we stand and who we are in Christ — and the appropriate response is to “rejoice.” It is possible to feel sadness and still rejoice. However, a complaining spirit and joy cannot coexist. To rejoice, that is something we do, not something we feel. Joyful is something we are in terms of identity, it is not an emotion. God is not pulling a Bob Marley here by saying, “don’t worry, be happy.” It’s a command… he is saying, BE joyful. Rejoice ALWAYS. But it’s not just a commandment, in context it is a promise made to us through Jesus Christ. It’s a supernatural gift.  He says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ” Where there is a will (of God), there is no other way. In his second letter to the church of Corinth, Paul proclaims, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” Such a commandment no longer feels like a burden, but rather an ax taken to the chains that have been keeping me from living life the way I was intended. He’s offering peace instead of turmoil, joy instead of hopelessness. I’m not going to reject such an offer and fall back into a pattern of disillusionment because that’s what comes naturally to my sinful nature. After all, fallen nature is not a reflection of divine purpose.

Win: Face Recognition

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I recently updated my version of Picasa, which has already completely changed the way I organize and use my pictures on my computer. I am completely shocked by the new face recognition feature. As we speak it is scanning all of the photos and correctly identifying nearly every picture of me, my husband, my baby, and the numerous other family and friends that I initially named. I feel like I have been thrust into the future and I am a little freaked out. What is most amazing, is that I was going to manually do this exact thing – to mimic the way photos are organized on Facebook – and I was quickly becoming overwhelmed by the task. Picasa is now doing it for me, occasionally asking me to confirm, and it is taking minutes, not months. I love it!

Kim through the years... Thanks to Picasa!

One thing I am noticing – how fun it is to pull various pictures of one person and see how much they have changed over the years.  In the snapshot above, there are pictures from my prom, my wedding, my first Christmas as a married women, and my most recent Christmas family portrait. (Yes I was a blonde once!) I can already tell I’m going to have a lot of fun with this…

Vintage

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Micah: the little man who now has six teeth, who uses those teeth to climb, who has a death grip, who loves to jump on his bed, who loves to pull condiments out of the refrigerator door, who can’t eat enough Cheerios, who lives for pulling every. single. book. off his shelf. Who loves to watch the fish swim around in the aquarium, who squeals and waves his arms every time his daddy walks in the door, who wishes his mommy would let him play with electrical cords, who must roll over and try to stand up on the changing table before he’s clean. He’s wearing a t-shirt that is twenty five years old. His daddy wore it as a baby. Now that’s authentic, priceless vintage style right there. And of course, Eric loved to see his son wearing that shirt this morning for the first time.

Accountability

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This past week I joined (through e-mail) a quiet time accountability group called “Good Morning Girls” with three other bloggers: Lana, Karmen, and Dawn. It has had such an impact on my life already. For the first time in a long time, I have had some consistency, knowing that I need to send off that e-mail saying, “Today I read…” And that consistency is already producing some much needed fruit in my life. For one, the Lord convicted me of some yucky heart issues that I didn’t even realize were there. When you consistently read scripture and spend time with God, you become more and more aware of the things in your mind and on your heart that are a source for sin and pain in your life. That is exactly what I have experienced over the past week and it is so refreshing to feel that I am finally going in the right direction again. As a mother, and as a wife, I need this daily spiritual “food” daily or I begin to fall apart at the seams!  After one week I am convinced that everyone needs to try this!  Even if it’s not through e-mail, daily accountability can be the difference between spending time with God every day and (in my case) spending time with him once a week or less.

Landlocked

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Well it “appears” that we are stuck… for quite a while. The brand new construction homes across the street just dropped their prices by nearly 25%, depending on the starting price, and in order to compete with them we would have to come up with approximately $40,000. The builders have abandoned our neighborhood, so here it sits, one row of homes, a little over half of the occupied, a little more than half of them on the market.

This neighborhood needs more neighbors

I couldn’t even ask someone to pay our asking price in light of these recent developments; it wouldn’t be ethical. Our asking price is exactly what we need to walk away and break even. So… for now, at least, we cannot move. The Realtor said it could be several years before the market recovers enough to allow us to sell our home and not lose money on it.

It’s not such a horrible thing to be stuck in a house I love. It’s the location I wish I could change. I would like to live a little closer to my mom and sister so we could get together a little easier. It’s also very hard for us to continue to afford living in this city, because of the taxes, now that I am not working. But, I have not forgotten how much we prayed about buying a house and how it worked out just right to move into this one. Because of this fact I am acutely aware that there are reasons greater than I may understand for why we live where we do, and perhaps we are “landlocked” for a special purpose. I don’t think it is a coincidence that while circumstances are evolving to keep us from moving, God is providing the financial means to help us stay. I have been asking God to bless Eric’s career and he has, just not in ways I anticipated. He has been getting more and more work on the side, fixing computers, and that income has been filling the gap. In addition to that, God has been providing for us through our friends and family, who have generously blessed us with exactly what we needed, when we needed it, and they probably had no idea they were helping us so much. That is how God works! I am continually praising him for his timely provision and favor on our family!

This view more accurately portrays our current weather!

No matter what happens, I believe that God will provide for us. I don’t expect to be exempt from hardship because I am a Christian, but I do know that God will help us get through those hardships. It helps to remember that this life is only temporary. One day, I will be free from this broken, tear-stained world with all of its problems; and I will walk in perfect peace, bliss, and love with Jesus in paradise. Perfect love casts out fear!

I Can't Watch…

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This morning I took Micah to the pediatrician for his 9-month checkup. All went well until it was time for the vaccinations. I can’t stand the pitiful cries and the tears. He had a booster, a flu shot and an H1N1 vaccine. It’s important to me that he and I get vaccinated for the flu to protect the new baby girl that I will be babysitting in a few months. But that doesn’t make it any easier to hold him down while the nurse sticks his thigh with a big needle. His tears were huge and the look on his face was so incriminating.

It got worse when we headed down to the lab so he could be tested for iron (anemia) and lead levels. They did a finger stick, which got even more tears than the shots, but what made it that much more horrible was how they had to keep squeezing his little hand to allow the blood to drip into the vial. They had to squeeze out two small vials which probably added up to a good tablespoon of blood. By the end, his little hand was covered in blood and I wanted to throw up. Can’t they come up with a more painless way to draw blood from an infant, or was this nurse just having a hard time? She kept saying, “I’m not very good at this.” Wow, that makes me feel better! *Buries head in hands.* Micah was squirming and trying to pull back his arm the whole time while crying so pitifully. We tried to distract him with stickers but it only worked in short spurts. If this were a life-saving procedure, I could stomach it a little better, but I’m fairly certain he’s not anemic. Even the doctor said it was unlikely. *screams*

Fortunately he seemed to get over it quickly. By the time we were in the lobby, he was smiling again. I’m so glad babies don’t remember things like this. I didn’t get used to needles and blood tests until the end of my pregnancy, after I had been stuck 500 times.  I hate blood, and that is part of the reason it was so hard for me to watch. I never want to see Micah’s blood again, but I know better. He’s a boy. I’ll be buying stock in Band-Aid brand by the time he’s four, I’m sure. I’ll never get used to it, though…

I will focus on the good. He is healthy and growing well. He has gained ten pounds, ten ounces and ten inches in length since he was born. He is tall for his age at 30″. He has consistently been at the top of the charts for length, the middle for weight, and around the 25th percentile  for head size, which floors me because his head looks big for his body (like all babies) and I’m wondering what he’d look like if his head was in the 97th percentile as well. I’m laughing at the thought of it!

Perseverance

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-noun

  1. Steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
  2. Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.
  3. A nine-month-old boy learning…. just about anything.

I watched Micah bounce in his Jump-n-Go for about 30 minutes straight and I realized, if I were to merely copy his actions throughout the day, I really don’t think I could physically make it past day three. It’s no wonder he sleeps 15 hours a day (12 at night plus 3 in naps). When he’s not jumping continuously for hours, he’s climbing or crawling until he’s ready to pass out. He sleeps and then it starts all over again. Sometimes I find myself laying on the floor in his nursery, just watching him crawl over my legs, up on the changing table, back down across the room, over my head, up on the crib, back down and over my arm, up to the door, back down… He is in constant motion. Even while he is in my lap nursing, he is fidgeting. He’s either swinging his arms around or trying to crawl around on my lap without breaking suction. (Pretty impressive if you ask me!) Forget Jillian Michaels… I’m just going to start copying my baby and I’ll lose the weight in no time.

It’s a good thing babies are so persistent, otherwise we’d have a lot of people laying around, not walking or feeding themselves. At what point do we start giving up? Is it the first time someone says, “you’ll never get this”? Is it on the 73rd failed attempt? What is the driving force that propels these little legs to keep going all day and how is it lost?

I wish I could bottle that youthful energy and drive and apply it to my spiritual life. In college, I was like Micah. I was so incredibly thirsty for God. I was reading my bible or on my knees every time I got a spare minute and I lived for it. I kept going, without ceasing; with every ounce I pursued the kingdom. I needed to walk with God, and no matter how many times I fell right on my butt, I kept getting right back up and continued on.

And then I left college and I started a job in a different city, away from my family and friends. I didn’t make the effort to plug into my new church at the same level as I had in college.  We ran out of money and I started working as an Assistant Manager at Walgreens and that was the final straw. It wasn’t just the horrible hours or the low morale. It was the culture of the company. No respect for my requests to have Sunday mornings off. No compassion for the injuries I sustained while I worked there. Everyone was always looking behind them for the next person to stab them in the back. Before long, I was so far gone, I started having panic attacks. As I drove to work one morning, I felt my chest tighten and my throat close. My face got numb and I crumbled under a state of absolute fear. I didn’t even realize what was happening. I felt like I was dying. When I finally quit, I came home each night only to realize that I had lost a huge part of my relationship with my husband. It had been so long since we had spent any extended amount of time together that we didn’t even know what to talk about anymore. It felt weird.

It took several months to repair everything.

I can honestly say that my marriage is in the greatest shape it’s ever been, but I have never fully recovered spiritually. I know it’s my own fault, but I can’t even put my finger on what’s wrong. I used to pray with such passion, and now I feel like one of those people who pretend to talk on their cell phone so they don’t feel so alone while they walk through the mall. I get through a paragraph of my bible and suddenly my mind is a million miles away. I sing worship songs at church and I feel like the words are coming out of my mouth, but the meaning is hidden and I’m more focused on whether I’m in tune. (It’s one of the reasons I quit choir.) I feel like I have no focus… no attention span.

When I was in fourth grade, my mom let me wear her necklace to school. I think it was a locket. I was outside playing at recess and I heard the whistle blow. I couldn’t have been farther from the door, so I had to run. As my feet hit the ground, I felt the necklace toss about my neck and I began to worry that it would snap, so I clasped my hand around it as I ran. Only my arms continued to pump, despite my attempts to hold the pendent close to my heart, my arm swung, my hand jerked, the chain broke and the charm was tossed behind me. I desperately searched in the grass around me but the whistle continued to blow. My heart sunk and I ran inside, doubtful I would ever find it again. I didn’t.

Once in a while, everything comes into focus, and for a few brief moments, I am back. I have an intense moment of spiritual clarity. I taste that hunger once again. I feel the warmth of that passion at my finger tips. But just as I begin to tighten my grip around it, it dissolves in the busyness of my mind, drowned in a sea of too much thought. The news, my pregnancy blog, my chores, my baby’s needs, my dinner plans, my bills… all come flooding in and it’s gone. A necklace lost in a grassy field.

Is it because I’m trying to hold onto this thing while I continue to run through the rest of my day, my month, my year? Perhaps I should have taken a moment to stop and put that necklace in my pocket. Maybe I’m not taking enough time to really stop thinking about everything else and focus on my relationship with God, and that is why it is suffering. Whatever I’m doing… it’s not working. It’s not enough. I need to find another way to turn everything else off. It’s easy to turn off the TV, silence my phone and shut down the computer, but how do you silence everything else?

Micah’s about to wake up. Shh…

What am I going to make for dinner tonight? Shh…

Where are we going to get the money for this? Shh…

9 Months + 9 Months

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Eighteen months ago I saw one of these and experienced one of the biggest surprises of my life:

We were definitely trying to get pregnant, but that month I was sure it didn’t happen. I felt too “normal.” (I hadn’t noticed my increased appetite and the fact that I was taking 1-2 hour naps every day for the past week!) I can’t even begin to explain how excited I was that morning when I saw the faded pink line appear just seconds after I took the test.

By early November, it was apparent to everyone that something was going on in that pot belly of mine.

17 Weeks Pregnant

30 Weeks Pregnant

34 Weeks Pregnant

Just days before my delivery

On a Monday night, Micah made his big debut:

Just born! (Look at those lips!)

And then the amazing journey began. I was a mom, and my little Micah was quickly growing right before my eyes!

10 days

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months

4 Months

5 Months

6 Months

7 Months

8 Months

On Wednesday, my baby will turn 9 months old, and then he will have been “out here” as long as he was “in there.”

9 Months

He’s crawling, he’s cruising around on the furniture and just today he learned how to plop down on his butt from standing. He climbed up one step this morning (scary!). Every day he’s picking up something new and he seems to get happier and happier. He loves jumping up and down in the doorway jumper seat, banging his blocks on the coffee table, batting his ball around and squealing when he gets excited. He can’t stand it if my eyes are closed; he has to grab my face so I will look at him. He started saying “Mama” this weekend, although right now it sounds more like “mummmuh!” He’s working on his 6th tooth right now, too! He likes to use those teeth as an extra “hand” when he’s climbing furniture; pretty soon we’ll have little bite marks all over the edge of the coffee table (it’s okay, it was a $50 table).  He eats about 4-5oz of baby food every day, but he still loves milk the best. His favorite food seems to be Pears & Pineapple. He likes to grab the spoon and put it in his mouth by himself. Yesterday morning he discovered his hands and now he’s always clasping his hands together. I’m trying to teach him to clap, but he doesn’t get it yet.

This Friday we’ll go to his pediatrician for his 9-month appointment and I’ll get to see how much he has grown. I know he is about 29″ and 18lbs, but that is just an estimate. When he was born he was 20″ and 8lbs 5oz.  He’s grown about 9 inches and 10 pounds in the last 9 months! Just think if you were to grow 9 inches in less than a year; I would be 6′ 3″! (No thanks!) I am not looking forward to his shots because I know it will be really hard to hold him down and this time he will probably stay upset longer. Poor guy! I’ll have to have some kind of treat ready for him afterward. :)