How Did You Find Me?

I need to address something. You see, WordPress stats shows me what phrases people searched for to find my blog, and some of the same phrases keep popping up. One of them is particularly embarrassing, can you tell me which one it is?

34 weeks pregnant 5
30 weeks pregnant 3
39 weeks pregnant 3
croissant pizza 2
pregnant belly pictures 2
17 weeks pregnant 2
9 weeks pregnant belly 1
pregnant big butt 1
16 weeks pregnant belly pictures 1

I’ll give you a hint… it’s “pregnant big butt.” Now really, when I was pregnant, I did not have a big butt, so why is this coming up so often? I need to google this phrase myself and see…

And here it is:

9 Months + 9 Months | Kimmama

Jan 4, 2010  We were definitely trying to get pregnant, but that month I was sure it didn’t happen.  On a Monday night, Micah made his big debut: Just born!  and just today he learned how to plop down on his butt from standing. 

kimmama.com/2010/01/04/9-months-9-months/Cached

 

 

That explains it.

No Good Awful Doggoned Day, Ugh!

Last Friday was one of the most stressful days I have had as of late. And I guess it was the whole month prior building up to that day… when we got Chloe she had a healing case of demodex mange, something that is not supposed to be a huge deal. We were supposed to follow up with the vet the following week when we took her to get spayed and microchipped. The woman (let’s call her “Mindy”) we got Chloe from was going to schedule Chloe’s appointment through the Rescue for insurance purposes. We told her when we were free and then waited for her to contact us with the appointment information.

I didn’t hear from from Mindy that next week, so I emailed her and asked her when the appointment was, saying that Chloe’s skin was really flaring up. By this point, Chloe’s underside was very bumpy and very red. Clearly, her infection had not been taken care of by the antibiotics or there was something else wrong with her. She emailed me back and asked if I wanted to go to a different vet in Crystal Lake. No… I wanted to go to the one here in Rockford that we already agreed on. Then she asked what my schedule was like. I gave her my schedule. She responded the same day that she would call the vet.

Two days later, she emailed me and asked me to take Chloe in for her skin right away, and that her spay appointment would be the following week. I emailed her back and said I wanted to take care of both issues at the same appointment. It was already a Friday, waiting until the next week seemed manageable. I was spraying down Chloe’s belly with a calming spray and it seemed to help a little.

A whole week later, she emailed me again and said she had an appointment for Chloe for the following Tuesday, but she didn’t give me a time. I emailed her back and asked what time the appointment was supposed to be. No response.

The following Monday I emailed her and asked what time the appointment was the next day. She emailed me back right away and said the Vet had called her to reschedule because they were overbooked, could I go on Thursday. I repeated that Thursday was the only day I could not go. She responded, “Ok let me call and see if they can do Wednesday or Friday.”

Three days later I emailed her again, “Were you able to get the appointment for tomorrow?”  She responded, “They could not get her in so I made it for next week so u just need to drop her in the morning and she should be able to be picked up by 4.” I asked, “Ok, what day next week and what time should I drop her off?” She never responded.

The next morning, which was this past Friday, Chloe’s skin was worse than ever! By this point we had tried a few different shampoos and a special cream, but nothing was working. She had horrible, bumpy red skin and she was clearly distressed. It was beginning to affect her temperament.  She could not stop itching and biting herself, she had open sores in some areas. In tears, I called the vet to see if they had gotten a call from “Mindy.”

What they told me angered me… they are a walk-in clinic. They do not make appointments. The only time they make appointments is for major surgeries and that does not include spaying or implanting the microchip. They had not heard from or made an appointment with Mindy. My poor puppy had been suffering that whole time needlessly while Mindy continued to lie to me! She never called the vet, or she would have known and told me to go in whenever it was convenient for me. I would have been at the Vet’s office that first week we had her and she would never have gotten so bad. It was a whole month from the time that we got her to the time that I finally got Chloe into the Vet. I feel so dumb for having believed this woman when she told me she had to make the appointment and that they were always “overbooked.”

As soon as I got off the phone with the Vet’s office, I packed up Chloe, all of her stuff, and Micah, and we drove straight there. The visit itself was extremely stressful for me. Trying to keep a toddler occupied and a puppy from mowing down the whole place was difficult to say the least. Micah dumped his snacks all over the waiting room, threw a tantrum in the exam room, and Chloe would not sit still for the world. Then “Mindy” was trying to make excuses on the phone when the receptionist called her about payment. I was so over it! She wanted to talk to me, and I obliged for a minute, but then I cut it off. She was still trying to tell me that Chloe needed an appointment because she was a rescue, when I had already been told otherwise. She emailed me later that day and asked me to call her but I have not. I am too upset with her. I will deal with the Vet’s office and they can deal with her. I do not trust anything she says.

When I finally left the Vet’s office, Micah was starving and tired, and I was sobbing on the phone to Eric. I had a bunch of medications and supplements to give Chloe. I had instructions to call an in-home trainer for Chloe. I was so overwhelmed and still angry about getting the run-around from Mindy. To make things worse, I had just started my estrogen therapy and it was making me extra emotional. I cried, “I just need a hug,” and yet I knew it was going to be another 5 hours before Eric got home.

After several days on antibiotics and supplements, along with one round of Promeris, Chloe is already showing dramatic improvement. I still feel guilty that I did not get suspicious earlier and take things into my own hands weeks ago, but there is nothing I can do to change that now. I cannot wait for Chloe to be completely healed so I can forget about this whole ordeal!!

I Lack Nothing

I’m editing a session that I shot yesterday – currently I’m knee deep in the trenches of…. beautiful sun flare!! Well, I thought I’d take a short break and update my blog. I have to admit, lately I have felt like maybe I should just delete it. I mean, I hardly ever get comments and sometimes I wonder if I’m just writing to outerspace. Aren’t most people on Twitter and Facebook? But then I remember the real reason I blog: the hope that one person will learn from my “insight” (aka “screw ups”). Ha! Also, it gives me something to decorate. You have to be proud of me for leaving this theme up for so long – that’s a big accomplishment for me! And that is the reason I’ll never get a tattoo…

Anyway, today I was thinking about babies. More specifically, the lack of babies. It occurred to me that I have not mentally classified myself as infertile, despite the fact that I fit the text book definition of a woman “suffering” from secondary infertility. I just don’t think of myself that way – it’s not a permanent problem in my mind, and even if it were, I supposed I still don’t want to hang that sign on my door, know what I mean? It’s not that it’s a stigma that I want to avoid, it’s more like a mindset I want to avoid. I don’t want to focus on “lack” – I want to focus on “have.” Yes I currently have secondary infertility, but I also have Micah. I have my health. I have Jesus (that’s a BIG one). I have a rockin’ sexy husband who loves me very much. I have a lot to be thankful for and when I really think about it, I lack nothing.

Even if Micah is the only child I’ll ever call my own, I am content with this. That’s not to say I’m not going to try (really hard) to get pregnant for now. But if 6 months pass and it still doesn’t happen, this girl is moving on! I already told Eric 6 months is my personal limit for all these hormones. I consider that a really long time to be spending money on fertility drugs, at least for our budget… and that is the maximum continuous length of time you should take Clomid. So I think that will be a good place to stop and say, “you know what? Maybe this is not God’s plan after all.”

A lot of people have said, “if you just relax and don’t worry about it, you will get pregnant.” Please understand it’s not stress that is keeping me from conceiving. When I do ovulate, my progesterone levels are too low to sustain a pregnancy. I didn’t have this problem before Micah, so yes, it’s something new, and I don’t know what caused it to happen. I’m just going to deal with it the best I can and continue to pray for God’s provision.

Finally, do not feel one tiny ounce of guilt over announcing a pregnancy or gushing over your babies. It does not bother me like it does bother many women who can’t get pregnant. I actually enjoy getting excited with my pregnant friends and I feel sad when I learn they felt they had to hide their good news.

I am optimistic. May is a new month – and you never know – this might be the one!

Conutnut

“Micah would you like some coconut milk?”

“Milk”

“It’s coconut milk. Say coconut.”

“Conut.”

“Say coconut.”

“Conut.”

“Say coco.”

“Coco.”

“Say coco… nut.”

“Co… nut.”

“Coconut.”

“Conut.”

“Coconut.”

“Conutnut.”

*sigh*

Sweetest

I love this season of Micah’s life – this age and all the little things he does. He can be very stubborn and very mischievous, but most of the time, he is very, very sweet.  I love the sound of his tiny voice. I love the way he says “I love you” – it takes a trained mama’s ear to pick it out – sounds like I yah voo. I really love the way he hugs and kisses. Bear hugs. He won’t accept a cheek, he’ll grab your whole head and turn it so he can plant one on your lips. He doesn’t hold anything back. He’s not embarrassed of me. He gets really excited when he sees me in the morning, after a nap, or when I pick him up from the nursery at church. “Mama! Mama!” he cheers as he does a little joyful dance. He gets so much joy out of everything: his favorite foods, his favorite toys, a visit from a family member, or a trip to the park. He is still so much a baby…. and yet so much a boy.  This could last a little longer… I wouldn’t mind. He can stay 2 as far as I’m concerned.

Before & After | Old Engagement Photo

When Eric and I got engaged, we had our friend Jennifer take our engagement photos in Lake Geneva in front of the Riviera, where we had our wedding reception. One of them is framed on our living room wall above our couch – a 16×20. There have always been a few things that bugged me about the photo though, mainly the fact that I have a lipstick smudge on my teeth that I didn’t notice until it came back from the lab. Ack! Then there’s the issue that I forgot to wear my engagement ring (really Kim?), but that can’t be fixed.

Well I decided to get rid of the lipstick, but once I opened up the photo I started doing all sorts of other things to it, and then I ordered a new 16×20 of the edited version from my pro lab. Here’s the before & after. Can you see what else I did to the photo?

It’s too bad I can’t go back in time and put on my darn engagement ring! I thought about flipping the photo so that my ring would appear to be hidden, rather than missing, but then Eric’s mole would be hopping to the other side of his face like something out of Robin Hood Men in Tights.

Playing With Lights

I have been making a LOT of upgrades lately in preparation for the summer photography season. (Read: spending ALL of my deposits). Such is the nature of starting a business…. it won’t be this bad next summer. Most of my investments have involved off camera lighting gear. I’d added a few more strobes, several modifiers, and a set of PocketWizards. That’s all in addition to upgrading my camera to a gripped D90. (Ultimately I plan to shoot with a D700, but it doesn’t fit in my budget this year, maybe next year). I’ll be renting fast zooms for my weddings. I’m hoping that my equipment arsenal will be complete in 5 years or less, to where I’m no longer upgrading or renting, just replacing gear as necessary (and hopefully that’s not too often).

ANYWAY…. I’ve been practicing like a fool with my SB700, sometimes putting it on a light stand in a softbox  (for on location shoots) and sometimes bouncing it off walls/ceilings. For all the examples below, I was in my house and the light was very low due to the rain. You would never know it for how nice and bright these are!

For this one I metered for a few stops below the ambient light and fired my speedlight on TTL mode inside a 20×24 Lasolite softbox, directly to the right of Micah.

For these, I bounced the flash to the size and very slightly behind me – basically I aimed the flash head towards where I would have placed the softbox. When I took this picture of Micah, there was still sunlight in the room.

I really need to gel my flash for tungsten light to get my color right, as you can see in the photo below. It was hard to balance the white light of the flash with the yellow light of the incandescent bulbs in the kitchen. I should have also flipped off the overhead light on the stove, I think.

As you can see, bouncing the flash to the side (not to the ceiling, yuck) can really give you some nice directional light. It’s going to come in really handy  in those dark churches this summer!

Everything I learned about using my flash in this way I picked up from here, my new favorite blog!

God Has a Funny Sense of Humor

So, I am scheduled to start hormone therapy at the beginning of May… as in next week. Except, remember how in my last post I said I thought maybe I wouldn’t need the hormones? In past cycles my temp never went above 97.1, but this month I had a bout of what felt like morning sickness for nearly a week and all of a sudden my temps started routinely hitting 97.1 and above. Geez louise I need to listen to my gut instinct…. because take a look at my chart.

OMG!

In case you’re new to fertility charting, every woman has lower basal body temperatures before she ovulates, and higher ones afterward, which means you can accurately pinpoint the day of ovulation just by taking your temp every day at the same time before you get out of bed (your resting temp). I have not ovulated since I had Micah two years ago. Not only was I not experiencing that temperature shift, I was having consistently low, low temps because of my low progesterone.

And it just figures that it would happen the WEEK BEFORE I’m supposed to start taking Chlomid and the other hormones.

Bonus… right now is the time that I would normally be sinking into sucky depression, and it’s NOT HAPPENING!

A lot of people have been praying for me hard core, especially in the last month when I opened up to my small group about what was going on. There is no other explanation than that God has restored my body to normal working order. I am so thrilled and I can’t wait to tell my doctor!

A Possible Fix?

Earlier this month, my second blood test confirmed that I have low progesterone and that I  have not been ovulating. Kind of makes me look back on all the efforts I was making to get pregnant and chuckling…. I never had a chance.

This past week I had a discussion appointment with my doctor about what action I should take. He said I could wait to see if things got resolved on my own are begin a course of hormone therapy and try to trigger ovulation so I can get pregnant. Being the incredibly patient person that I am (not), I chose the latter. He wrote me a prescription for Clomid, estrogen and progesterone. I am supposed to start taking them my next cycle.

Of course, because I’m always losing my mind over things like this, I have myself convinced that maybe I won’t need the treatment after all, because I swear I maybe, might have possibly, hopefully ovulated this month. Unlikely, but super hopeful. Right? Hahaha.

Despite my clear impatience, I am not without hope. I know that God has a plan for me and my little family. I am quite certain that more babies are on the way… eventually. I trust that God will time it out perfectly. I am not worried, but I am still waiting with my whole heart, mind and soul.

So in the meantime, I decided to grow our family in other ways. Meet Chloe…